Blooms and Goodbyes, Troubles and Strife

Blooms and Goodbyes, Troubles and Strife

Hello there.  Another weekend already?  They come and go so fast and my new job is quickly approaching (so too are the nervous butterflies in my tummy that look more like pterodactyls at the moment – huge and scary and fluttering enormous wings).  My final day at my “old” job was on Tuesday.  I had a nice afternoon tea with a bunch of the staff and I got a lovely card, signed by everyone, and a voucher to my fave craft store.  Yay!  Vouchers are good!  I got a little bit sad when everyone was saying how much they’d miss me and that they wished I wasn’t going (information that might have been useful in the preceding two years when I wasn’t even sure if anyone liked me) but it was a lovely afternoon and I got lots of promises to keep in touch and get together soon.

I did end up taking my horrible cake pops to the tea.  People ate them and liked them (the crazy fools!) but I was happier with my brownies (they never let me down).  I will attempt the cake pops again but will use proper dark chocolate instead of white.  White is far too sweet when combined with all the sugar already in the cake and frosting mixtures themselves.

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Mmmmmmm…Cake Pops or Cake Flops? You be the judge!

The rest of the week was taken up with therapy visits, blood tests, hospital visits (just regular check-up appointments with my renal specialist), physio (bloody back!) and general faffing about.  My plans to use each and every minute of my leave in a constructive and useful fashion were thwarted by my unstable mental state and traitorous body.  We did host a dinner party/games night at home on Wednesday for friends of my hubby’s.  I was having a social anxiety/phobia evening so I didn’t enjoy it at all and spent most of the night just wishing it would be over and wondering why I can’t just be like everyone else and have fun and be spontaneous.  I didn’t like the topics of conversation and felt a bit, well, disrespected, in my own home but in hindsight it was probably just me being a prude and having issues.  I wanted it to just be over and never have to speak of it again.

On Thursday I went op-shopping with my cousin.  We discussed the previous evening’s shenanigans (Ok, so I did speak of it again – to her) and I felt a bit better about it, having just shared my feelings with someone and making sure I’m not crazy (well, no more so than I thought before) or prudish or stuck-up.  We spent a nice few hours sifting through piles of clothes at the op-shops.  My cousin is super tiny and my self-esteem and body image are extremely low right now so she may not seem like the perfect shopping companion when looking for clothes, but she makes me feel better no matter what and we both came away with quite a few items.  Granted hers were three sizes smaller than mine, but hey, I got over it.  I bought 3 pairs of jeans, a drapey black and white jacket-type-thing, a jumper, two red tops and a grey super-soft sleeveless cardigan (does that make it a vest?  I dunno…).

Friday was an up and down sort of day.  My Dad phoned me early in the morning, very upset.  He and my Step-Mum are in financial difficulties and they need help.  I offered what little money I could, even though I know it probably won’t even be a drop in the ocean for the sea of bills they have.  I was going to buy a new car to start my new job (basically so I can GET to my new job) but I’ll have to put that off for a while now.  Unfortunately, my Dad’s problems have been brought on by himself and his wife and I think they need a bit of a shake up to learn some lessons.  But he’s still my Dad and I don’t like to hear him be upset.  I’m trying to help but I know it’s not enough.

My old cat Bronte is on her last legs.  My Mum phoned me on Thursday night and said “I think it’s time” which immediately resulted in me trying to flood the place with tears.  I came down to see them both on Friday so Mum and I could make the decision together.  An old boss of mine (an ex-veterinarian) was coming for afternoon tea so I said maybe we should wait for her and see what she thought we should do.  When she arrived we let her watch Bronte and make a “diagnosis”.  The result – we have Bronte still.  We may not have her for another month, or even another week, but she is “ok” for today, not in pain and not in any distress.  She’s still eating and grooming herself, she toilets ok and is able to get up and down off her couch.  She is very frail and completely blind but, under the circumstances, is managing alright.  So we’re taking it day-by-day.  If she appears to be suffering or in emotional distress, we will make the decision then.  I think Mum didn’t want to have her put to sleep out of convenience – she wants to feel that it is the right decision and purely for Bronte’s sake.  I feel the same way.  She’s nearly 20 for Goodness’ sake – she deserves as much patience and care as we can give her, and when we are not longer able to make her comfortable or content, then it will be time to say Goodbye. 😦

My friend, the ex-vet, and Mum and I went to a lovely garden centre for afternoon tea.  We had a yummy meal and then wandered around the beautiful displays of flowers and herbs, fruit trees and vegetable gardens.  My camera ran out of battery before I got to take many photos but I managed to snap a couple before it died:

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This rose was just gorgeous – look how bright it is!

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Love this “pencil” fence! What a cute and simple idea.

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Teddy Topiary! (well, it will be eventually).

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Love, love, love yellow roses – I think they are my favourite.

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A garden bed filled with annuals – so pretty!

So it was a nice afternoon in the sunshine.  My friend bought me a lovely bay tree (have wanted one for ages) so I have no excuse for not using bay leaves when a recipe calls for one!  It’s only tiny right now but they grow to be pretty big trees so I will have to keep it pruned and restrained.

This afternoon, hubby and I have a “kitchen-warming” party to go to.  I am trying to be enthusiastic.  I’m not very sociable and it will be another event at which I don’t know anyone and I always feel awkward and shy and weird.  But I shall soldier on and try, for hubby’s sake, to be friendly and attentive and be involved in discussions and maybe even talk to someone I don’t know (gasp! – pass the smelling salts!).  Wish me luck and send me cyber-bravery and an air of sophisticated nonchalance (so I look at ease and like I got to parties all the time).  Have a great weekend and enjoy the sunshine if you have it!  🙂

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