Time keeps on slipping…

Time keeps on slipping…

How does it get to be Sunday night so quickly?  Do the other days even exist?  Sometimes I feel like time is flying by so fast that I am in danger of missing everything and that time itself is running out quicker than I can even attempt to snatch some of it for myself.

I’ve had such a busy week – lots of social occasions and many late nights.  I am not a people person, as I may have mentioned before.  I don’t feel energised around other people, I don’t thrive in social situations.  I feel nervous and timid and unsure of myself.  This week has meant a lot of that.  Birthday parties, farewell parties, sporting events and work commitments has meant my usual shy and reclusive self has had to be “on show” and participate in social activities.  I’m not good at that stuff.  My brain switches off and tongue ties in knots, I feel fat and ugly and useless and unable to string two words together.  I feel untalented and like a phoney – like people will eventually discover I’m not good at anything and that I’m boring and uninteresting and have no right being around other people.  My social anxiety and shyness has gotten so much worse over the last couple of years and I feel constantly like I let people down and that I’m a disappointment to my family and friends, and especially my husband.  Even writing this blog takes far longer than it should, mostly because I write and re-write my entries, worried that people aren’t going to like what I have to say or that I will alienate people with my words of worry and pessimism.

I want to be upbeat and optimistic, able to laugh at my own issues and make fun of my insecurities.  I want to be able to embrace the weirdo in me and not feel like I have to apologise for who I am.  The problem is, I don’t know who that is.  And it’s getting increasingly hard to figure it out.  And I feel like I’m running out of time.

But I’m ok.  Just sad today.  Possibly slightly hormonal (there’s always that excuse!).  Tired.

I’d like to show you what I’ve been making today but I’ve left it too late to take decent pictures (don’t I always?) and it’s getting cold now and I should pack up, get the laundry in and think about what to have for dinner.  I have a dining table covered in papers and glue and other craft stuff that will take me an age to put away.  Even time for tidying goes by so quickly.

I’m sorry to be miserable.  I’m struggling at the moment and I have to tell you because it’s real life and I can’t keep pretending that everything is ok because that doesn’t get me anywhere. But maybe tomorrow will be a better day.   I hope so.  And I hope you will all stick by me even if it isn’t.  Especially if it isn’t.

Thank you for listening to me.  I hope you’re all doing ok. x

IMG_4796

 

 

 

Sunday Doodles

Sunday Doodles

This weekend has flown by.  I’ve been so busy and have had little time to myself.  I drove down to my Dad and Step-Mum’s place for dinner last night and stayed until lunchtime today.  I don’t visit them as often as I should and my Dad has been unwell this month so I wanted to see him.  It’s not a terribly long drive – only about 2.5 hours – but it does obviously take up time and I’m always putting it off (I’m ashamed to say).  But I’m going to try and make it a more regular thing.  Hubby didn’t come with me so it’s a good time to just have some peace to myself and enjoy the drive with my own music blaring and watching the scenery go by.  My Dad lives in Boyanup and it’s so pretty and green with lots of wildlife as well as farmland and all its associated animals!  We went to a little market this morning to buy some fresh greens for Dad’s hens (they are so spoilt – they’re not even laying at the moment) and then had a leisurely breakfast.

I got home just before 3pm and got straight in to some card-making.  I wasn’t in the mood for getting all my supplies out, so I just stuck to drawing and doodling for some simple little birthday / friendship cards.  The light was starting to get bad (it’s been rainy all day) so my colouring-in was a bit dodgy.  I’m hoping no one notices that!  The first card I made was for a friend’s birthday this week.  She’s going to be 25.  Sigh.  I feel so old!  You’ll have toexcuse the shadows…as I said, it has been a dark and dreary old day!  Just realised I forgot to colour in the little heart too…(it’s supposed to be pink) and her cheeks are way too big.  Her eyes are coming out of her cheek bones.  Oh well!

IMG_8053

The next card I made was a very simple “party hat” theme.  All went well until I finished sticking the pieces on and then realised I had made the card the wrong way round (i.e. it opens back to front).  Never mind – I will write something inside that apologises for my mistake 🙂

IMG_8062

After that, I made a couple of bunny cards…

IMG_8065

IMG_8063

I like this little guy – he’s cute!

Next up, a lamp shade!  Which had me singing (to myself) “This little Light of Mine…” I just know that is gonna be stuck in my head now…  I wasn’t happy with the plainer version of this card:

IMG_8060

…So I added some swirly swirls to add some background to it:

IMG_8066

It’s not perfect, but it’s ok.  Bright and cheery, anyway!

Now it’s getting dark and very cold and I should think about something for dinner.  Which means clearing the table of all my craft stuff again!  I’m glad I got to do a few cards though – even though they’re only simple, it makes me feel like I’ve achieved something and been a bit creative.  Wish I was better at drawing but you can’t have everything!

Work tomorrow – hope the day is a bit warmer and sunnier so I can go for a walk at lunch time.  I’m trying to lose weight and be healthier.  I’ve kinda let myself go!  Must try harder to not be a lazy slob. It’s so hard when it’s cold and miserable outside (that’s my excuse in the Winter…then in Summer it’s too hot and I might get burnt ha ha!).  Hope you are all healthy and warm, wherever you are.  I’m off to get into my jammies, put on a beanie and snuggle up on the couch with a hot water bottle.  Once I’ve cleaned up the table (groan…).  Have a great Monday – and remember to let YOUR light shine 🙂

Pendants and a new musical hobby (maybe).

Pendants and a new musical hobby (maybe).

 

 

 

 

 

A sunny (but cold) day in Perth today.  I slept in (whoops) despite being determined to get my craft on today and not waste time and ended up not getting much done at all.  I did make two basic pendants though – they’re nothing fancy but they’re quite sweet and make me wish for Spring (which in turn leads to lovely, lovely Summer, my favourite season).  Hubby had some friends over for a day of board games which meant I didn’t have the big table to use.  I had to make do with my little tiny desk which would have more room on it if I wasn’t such a slob ha ha.  Anyway, here’s the pendants….
IMG_8044

What is it about birds and crowns with me?

 

 

IMG_8049

 

This one is a different colour scheme for me – cleaner and less shabby than I would normally do.  I like the pale green though.

My other new “thing” this weekend is my new baby…..

IMG_8052

Meet “Bluebell”, my new ukelele!

Yes, I bought a ukelele.  Can I play one?  No.  Can I play any musical instrument?  No.  Am I going to let that stop me?  No!  I have tried learning guitar but because of my troublesome fingers, I find it very hard to get all the chords right – I can’t make my fingers do what I want them to do.  The size of the guitar makes it harder for me to control what my hand is doing.  So I figured I would give the old “uke” a try.  She’s cute right?  I’m gonna give it a go but promise to spare you all from my musical stylings….

That’s all for today.  Hope your weekend has been bright and beautiful 🙂

Quick Raspberry & Lemon Muffins

Quick Raspberry & Lemon Muffins

I’m not much of a muffin person.  I occasionally make them when I am just in the mood for some baking but can’t be bothered with anything too complicated, or that needs icing or decorating.  Hence these muffins, which I made last night when it was cold and I was at home alone and needing some comfort food.

These are really yummy, kinda zesty and moist.  Easy to make and simple to bake (and even easier to eat!).  I should possibly call them “Zombie Muffins” ’cause in the photo I took, they kinda look like bloody brains…you be the judge!  Here’s the recipe:

Quick Raspberry & Lemon Muffins

Preheat oven to 200 C
Spray a 12-hole muffin tin with cooking spray (or use patty pans)

1/2 Cup Yoghurt (I had raspberry greek yoghurt on hand
3 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil (I used canola)
1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice
2 Egg Whites

220g Plain Flour, Sifted
3/4 Cup Caster Sugar
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1 Cup Frozen Raspberries
Zest from two lemons
2 Tablespoons coarse sugar for sprinkling

In a large bowl, mix wet ingredients together.  Sift together dry ingredients in another bowl and then add wet mixture.  Add Raspberries and zest. Stir just to combine.  Don’t over-beat. If mixture is a bit dry, add 1/2 cup milk to moisten.

Spoon mixture into prepared muffin tins and sprinkle with sugar.

Bake in oven for approximately 15-18 minutes until golden on top.

Enjoy!

You could try it with different fruit – stewed apple instead of raspberries, or blueberries or use oranges instead of lemons.  I had a bowlful of lemons so needed to use them up.  Anyway, the muffins are tasty and quite light (due to the yoghurt) and a nice little treat to have with a cuppa.

Image

Last Ditch Effort…

Last Ditch Effort…

Horribly busy day today.  Had to re-do a newsletter I am responsible for, for the FIFTH TIME because the powers that be kept changing their minds about what format they wanted it in and what info was to be in it etc.  If they just told me what they wanted in the first place, I wouldn’t have had to waste time changing it every five minutes.  Gahhh!!  Lots happening and my desk looks like a bomb went off…oh well, will get round to my other work tomorrow I guess!

So I kinda lied yesterday when I said I would pack up my stuff and stop making things for the night…I couldn’t resist just trying a few more things before it was truly time to put everything away and make room on the table for pesky dinner time (so inconvenient!).  I quickly made a few pairs of earrings and some more book markers – that way I at least felt like I had made a proper crafty effort for the weekend…

Image

Like these little earrings…they look like tiny wee peaches!

Image

Pretty petite blossoms…

Image

These ones remind me of flying saucers…made out of boiled sweets maybe!

Image

These are quite elegant…black and white never goes out of style I figure!

Image

Blingy Bookmark # 3000!

Image

And another!

Image

A less fussy style for this one…

Image

When you start seeing stars, it really IS time to pack up!

So, I did pack up eventually…and by pack up I mean pile it all in a corner so I can possibly get it out again quickly the next day…

Hope you had a great start to the week – have a wonderful Tuesday and enjoy whatever you’re doing (if you can!)  🙂

Rainy Day Craftin’

Rainy Day Craftin’

It’s been a cold, miserable, wet day today.  The sky is grey and they clouds are dark and thunderous (or they look “thundery” anyway!).  I’ve been listening to Paul Simon (on the stereo…he’s not here with me…that would be weird although also very AWESOME!) and doing some crafty bits and pieces.  Made a couple of cards but then gave up because I just wasn’t feelin’ it today…(I fear I may never make a good card again!…my mojo is well and truly kaput at the moment)…

Image

Image

After that I attempted a few smaller items – hair clips and collaged brooches and pendants.  I have horrible luck with dimensional gloss mediums.  They always bubble for me, no matter how hard I try to keep it smooth and bubble free.  I don’t shake the bottle, always squeeze out any air bubbles first etc but still…  If anyone has any foolproof methods for bubble-free application, let me know and I will be truly grateful!  I know I probably shouldn’t be doing it in this weather either – wet and slightly humid probably isn’t best.  But I am impatient and wanting to get things finished… Don’t look too closely at the hair clips – they are bubble central.  I even added a few little diamantes to the top to distract the eye…(sorry photos are a bit blurry too…)…

ImageImage

The following pieces aren’t finished yet and still need their coating of gloss but I’m going to leave them for today and probably seal them with individual layers applied by brush to avoid any bubbles…I like the bracelet with it’s blue-winged birdies and the “blessed” ring…I should also point out that the “faith” and “hope” pieces are teeny – about the size of my thumb print…awfully fiddly to do but for some reason I like working on really tiny things!

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Now I should clear away my things and start thinking about what to do for dinner.  Work tomorrow – hopefully the weather will be nicer so I can walk during my lunch break and not have to drive home in pouring rain and treacherous conditions (I’ve just bought a new car so I’m driving extra tentatively at the moment anyway!).

Happy Sunday to you all.  Hope the week is kind to you 🙂

Be good to YOU

Be good to YOU

Sometimes things just don’t work out.  Take craft for example – most of the time I think I can rustle something up that looks ok, doesn’t embarrass me and that most people would think was alright.  Other times, no matter how I try or how hard I work at something, it just goes pear-shaped.  Colours don’t match, embellishments look tacky and you get blobs of glue where you’d rather not have blobs of glue.  I despair of ever making anything decent ever again.

I guess life is a bit like that.  You can try and try to succeed at something but it just isn’t your time and things won’t work.  Other times you just have to admit defeat and accept that something wasn’t meant to be.  Maybe not now, maybe not ever, and that’s ok too.

I’m going through some stuff right now and my capacity for depression and depths-of-despair type moods is limitless.  But I’m trying.  Trying to keep my head above water, paddling like crazy to keep away from that pesky waterfall that threatens to tip me over the edge and drown me in the murky depths.  But I’m trying.

I’ve done some crafting this week.  None of it has gone spectacularly well and I am trying not to be disheartened or feel that I’ve lost my mojo forever.  I shall share a few of my mistakes and not-so-good attempts at creativity so you can take heart that everybody has bad days (weeks, months) and that life goes on.  You might not even think they are that bad, but I am tougher on myself than anyone else could be…

Soldering Effort # 1
I have tried soldering a little pendant.  It didn’t go well.  My stupid fingers don’t co-operate and I kept dropping the pendant.  Also, soldering is hard!  I made a bit of a mess but am hoping I will get better at it as I keep practising…hopefully will stop burning myself too although, luckily, I don’t feel that too much on my finger.  Nerve damage has its benefits!

Image

Bird Pendant.
The pendant/design itself was ok – quite sweet really and I was pleased that I got the picture in their fairly centred and not buckled or weirdly cut out.  I should not have been doing it late at night though because I was rushed, couldn’t see too well in the limited lighting we have and I hadn’t used dimensional gloss stuff for a while.  I squeezed too much medium in and it kinda squelched up the sides and INTO THE HINGES – Gah!  Panic stations!  I decided to let it dry in the end and hope that I could crack/pick out the dried medium afterwards. Seems ok this morning but I wish I had taken more care in the first place.  At one point I actually dropped the little door into the still-wet medium and had panic attack about getting it out without messing things up even more.  But it is ok if you don’t look too closely…Image

Image

Cards
I wasn’t very happy with any of these.  They’re not dreadful but I wasn’t really in the right mood and was, again, rushed and trying to finish them late at night.  They’re ok.  Just a bit blah.  You be the judge.

Image

Image

Image

After that, I did a bit better.  This card is slightly better, though not quite hitting the mark…

Image

…although, if you asked exactly what that mark is, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.  I just didn’t hit it!

Jewellery
I had been wanting to make some jewellery and hair accessories with the pretty little flower cabochons that are trendy at the moment.  I don’t normally follow trends but these are so sweet and the colours are cheery and a bit of a departure from what I usually use.  Anyway – these turned out ok and I am hoping to make a few more before the end of the weekend.

Image

Image

Image

So, some ups and downs.  I guess my state of mind and overall unhappiness at the moment play a bit part in how my creativity works (or doesn’t work).  I hope you are all doing ok and not being too hard on yourselves about whatever you are trying to accomplish right now.  I’m my own worst enemy and it has become a habit to put myself down and think I am useless at everything.  I’m trying to get better at liking myself and being proud of things I do.  It’s hard though.  Today I am just happy to have some crafting time, regardless of what I end up making, and a bit of peace and quiet to think and reflect and be nice to myself. Be good to YOU too 🙂