Decisions, decisions…

Decisions, decisions…

I am in the process of deciding to cut my hair or not cut my hair.  This may not seem like a big decision to most normal people, but I am in a quandary with no end in sight.  I generally go from long hair to quite short hair, nothing in between.  I usually cut it short (in a chin length bob) and then like it for a little while (generally while I’m still in the hairdresser’s and they are styling it and making it look all shiny and chic) and then hate it and want my hair back again.

This is a first world problem, I know.  There are people worrying about their next meal or if bombs are going to drop on their family and I am worried about whether my hair looks better long or short.  Crazy.  But I am female, insecure and terribly bad at making decisions.  I don’t know what suits me.  I feel more like a girl with long hair, but then I think, am I, at age 39-almost-40, too old for long hair?  The fact that I have a decidedly un-girlish grey streak in the front of my hair is also a problem.  It gives me away and I wish I was better at hiding it but I can never find hair dye that’s not tested on animals and so I go for much longer than I should without dyeing it.

Also, styling is a problem.  I appear to lack the gene which enables you to style your own hair.  I can do pony tails and down-with-a-head-band and that’s about my range.  I also do the “pouffy” fringe thing but even that is a stretch most days.  I just suck at doing anything to do with appearance.  Makeup – fail.  Hair – fail.  Fashion – fail.  It is quite sad.  I actually don’t care most of the time because I don’t like to wear what everyone else is wearing and fashion generally seems to be trends and colours I can’t wear.  Makeup – doesn’t worry me too much because I have ok skin and prefer to be fairly natural looking anyway (although I do long to be able to do those cats-eye eye liner jobs), but hair, sigh, hair…I wish I could make it look nice.  I gave up a long time ago on trying to tame it.  I am lucky I have thick healthy hair so I am not complaining about it, just my complete and utter lack of ability to style it.  I want to look like I didn’t come to work via a hedge (ie being dragged through one) and I’d like to be able to do all those fancy plaits and braids and cool stuff.  But I am a klutzoid, even with hair.

So, my question is, dear reader, which is better – long or short-ish hair?  Which is more appropriate for someone my age?  Do such things even matter?  Oh I know it’s petty and unimportant in the scheme of things, but at this difficult time in my life I am looking to insignificant problems to distract me from the real issues I am facing.  Distress about husband leaving?  I don’t have time for that!  I have follicular challenges that are far more pressing and urgent!  Worried about paying rent on my own? Pah! I have more important issues to concern me, like can I afford a hairdresser?!  See what I mean?

I am going to get it cut.  I am.  But it’s kind of like a security blanket (seriously, it is very thick.  Plus I shed everywhere.  It looks like someone shot a sasquatch in here some days – hair all over the place…little tumbleweeds of it clogging up the hoover…) and I need to feel feminine at a time when I am not feeling exactly attractive or desirable to the opposite sex.  It’s dumb.  I do know that but I am a fragile little thing and my hair is my…what? I don’t know.  But it’s there and I kinda hide behind it.

So, shorter or longer?  What should I do?  I wish I had the courage to chop it all off and dye it green or something, but that’s not going to happen any time soon.  Although tomorrow is Halloween, so….. (it’s also my wedding anniversary, or would be if I wasn’t separated so I am focusing on silly things like this instead.  Humour me, please.).

Anyway, I will make a decision soon.  I will.  By next week.  Or maybe the week after.  Next month?  Sigh…

 

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Aside

Time for cards…

Sunday evening already…boo.  I really do think it’s about time weekends were three days long.  I’m only just getting into my stride by Sunday afternoon.  Now it’s time to pack up and make things tidy again.  But I have had a relatively successful day of card-making.  I wasn’t really in the mood to make Christmas cards but I persevered and made a handful that I’m happy with.  It’s a start anyway!  I had lots of other things I wanted to do today (paper-clay, embroidery, ironing…wait, that last one snuck in – as if I’d want to do ironing!  Pfft!) but the day progressed very quickly (it has nothing to do with the fact I got up late either, I’m sure) and I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked.  But something is better than nothing so the day wasn’t a total loss.  I also got lots of ideas (mostly about uses for buttons!)  while I was crafting so I am hoping to make a few new things
in the week, if my ideas can translate into an actual, do-able thing.

So, here’s a selection of the cards I made today.  I stuck with a general colour scheme and that way I had all the papers that I needed and matching ribbons etc.  The little crocheted flowers are from my cousin, who kindly posted me a little parcel last week filled with flowers.
I can’t crochet so I am very grateful for these cute embellishments that go so well with a lot of things.

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I like the “Noel” card the best – it was the first one I made in the morning and the one I was happiest with for the day.  The button baubles one is ok – just very simple.  Just thought I would try a quicker one and use up some of those odd buttons I have.  I have lots of vintage buttons so I am thinking I am going to sell them at my stall too, on pretty button cards.  they make a nice gift for someone who is into sewing or other crafts.  If nothing else, they look good just displayed in a basket or dish, I think.

So, packing up time now – worst part of the day!  I need to get some dinner on too (I’m making roasted capsicum soup – yum!) and think about sorting out my clothes for the morning.  Hope your weekend has been fun and relaxing, fulfilling and restful 🙂

Livin’ for the Weekend…

Livin’ for the Weekend…

Ah, the weekend… Never was there a sweeter word (unless of course you work on the weekend and hate your job).  I currently live for the weekends.  There I can sleep in (unless I’m going out for breakfast of course…even I will get up early for that one) and potter about, wear my daggy clothes and no makeup and basically be a bum.  This weekend has already been quite busy, doctor’s appointments, catching up with friends and hanging out with my Mum.  Right now I should be cleaning my filth-pit of a house.  But I’m not.  Obviously.  Because I am writing this entry.  I’m thinking about cleaning and feeling really guilty about it though.  Honest!

This week I have been using every spare second to make things for my upcoming mini-market (have decided not to call it a craft sale – that sounds daggy and twee).  A few nights this week I have stayed up well past my bed-time finishing off earrings and other jewellery items.  I’ve been up late glazing collage pendants and cutting out jewellery cards.  I’ve been making a mess basically.  I’m going to tidy up tonight and get cracking on some Christmas cards because I don’t have many ready for sale and I know a lot of people will be expecting those on the day.

It’s a lovely day outside; sunny and blue sky, light breeze and white fluffy clouds.  Gorgeous weather.  But I have no time to sit around gazing at the sky and being all relaxed and chilled.  I have STUFF to make and ideas to formulate and, um, a messy house to clean.

Which I will do.  In a minute.  Might need a cup of tea first and some reading time.  Craft magazines of course, for research.  I am dying to use my package of paper clay but don’t want to open it until I know exactly what I’m doing with it.  I want to make some birdies and maybe some brooches… I can see these Christmas cards are not going to get made any time soon.

So, here’s a sneak peak at some of the items I have made this week.  I’ve branched out a little bit and made some things using “boho” gold.  I don’t wear gold and don’t like it, but I know a lot of people do, so I’ve had to compromise a bit and use the next best thing which is boho gold – a sort of tarnished-looking, not so gaudy gold.  Lots of silver and turquoise (I have a few friends coming that I know are into the boho/ethnic/aztec look…) and bling:

ImageVery simple, but quite elegant silver heart earrings.  I’d wear these…if I had my ears pierced (must get that done again!)…

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Just bought these glass beads – I think they work well with the boho-gold…

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Butterfly pendant – no bubbles in the glaze!  Hooray!

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Dainty little turquoise earrings.  Cute but colourful…

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Blown-glass hearts – such a pretty pale green…

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More turquoise – this time showing off my new backing cards – I was pleased with the cards, they work really well with all the different earrings and were easy to make (using Kaisercraft papers)…

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Blingy bracelet – kinda reminds me of Christmas with its little stars and bells… The bells were actually off a vintage bracelet I took apart to make things with…

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“Time for Tea?” earrings…

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“Travel” necklace – I was pleased with how this turned out and the colours together work (I think)…I’d had those charms for ages and couldn’t find a use for them but paired with some bright beads, I think they’re pretty funky…

I’ve made LOADS more stuff but don’t want to bore you with it all at once.  Lots more to make and I am freaking out that I only have about 5 weeks until my market day.  I want to have plenty of things on display so it looks great when people walk in.  I’ll have to make the most of every day, even when it’s only a few hours after work.  Oh well, housework will have to wait.  What a shame 🙂

Ten ways you can help make the world a better place

Ten ways you can help make the world a better place

The world is a funny old place.  We’re supposedly so connected with all the new technology we have, but we don’t know how to connect on a real level any more.  We text and email, poke and ping, but we don’t know how to talk to anyone.  We’ve forgotten our please and thank-yous.  We rush around and sweat the small stuff and don’t stop to smell the roses or hug the person who means the most to us.  Little things add up to big things and sometimes we need to stop and take a minute to remember that life is made up of moments and people, not money and stuff.  The world needs a little more “us” and a little less “me”.  There are simple things you can do that make a big difference:

 

  1. When you’re at the checkout in a supermarket, talk to the person serving you.  Don’t tell them your whole life story, but ask them how their day’s been, if they’ve got a long shift, etc.  Just be pleasant.  Remember, they’ve probably had to deal with lots of rude, grumpy, harassed people all day.  Standing up.  All day.  Wearing an ugly uniform.  They deserve your patience and respect and courtesy.  Smile and say thank you.  A “have a nice day” goes a long way.
  2.  Servicemen.  That’s one word, not two.  Servicing men is not what I’m telling you to do.  Unless you want to – I won’t judge.  What I am telling you to do is be polite and friendly to any man (or woman) who comes to service your washing machine or clean your windows or fix your reticulation.  Offer them a cup of coffee or a cold drink.  You’d be surprised at how many people don’t do this.  The same applies to work situations.  Yes, you’re busy, yes, you have little time to spare and deadlines to meet.  But you can offer someone a drink and a smile.  Be appreciative.  You need that photocopier to work, right?  This guy is fixing it for you, right?  Then be nice.  The lady who empties your grotty rubbish bin each afternoon?  She doesn’t do it because it’s her life’s dream to pick up after you – she could probably think of a hundred things she’d rather be doing.  So make her day a little bit more pleasant by saying thank you and acknowledging her existence.
  3. Let someone in.  When out and about driving on our busy, hectic streets, make it a rule to let at least one person in in front of you, every day.  One person.  It’s no big deal but you’re making that one person a little less stressed.  Maybe, down the road, someone will let you in too.  God help you though, if I let you in and you don’t give me a courtesy wave.  That’s just rude.
  4. Don’t be a mucky pup.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  When sharing a space with other people, pick up after yourself.  I will never understand why people can’t put used teabags in the bin.  When it’s RIGHT NEXT TO THE SINK.  It’s not a monumental task to throw it in the rubbish bin, is it?  And tea stains, what is up with people not wiping up their spilt tea?  Gah!  It drives me nutty!  Wash your dishes, wipe the sink, put your cup away.  Be aware that other people have to use the same space as you and they don’t want to have to live or work in a manky filth pit.  Work place kitchen areas are the worst.  They bring out the inner grot in many people.  Just because you treat your own home kitchen like a pigsty, doesn’t mean your co-workers have to put up with it in their place of employment. 
  5. Random acts of kindness.  Practice them.  Someone at work looking a bit sad or worn down?  Leave a little gift on their desk to cheer them up.  Make it anonymous if you like (keep ‘em guessing) and let them know that someone is thinking of them and hoping they’re ok.  The days of helping little old ladies across the street may be gone (they’re just as likely to run you down in their gopher or hit you over the head with their handbag) but you can always offer someone a hand, open a door, help them carry something heavy, return their library books for them, offer to take it in turns to clean up the kitchen (see #4).   It’s not hard.
  6. Tell people you love them.  Not just random people on the street – that might be a bit weird – but the people in your life who are there for you.  I am lucky to belong to a family who uses the “L Word” a lot.  Telephone conversations are ended with it, cards are signed with it and children are taught what it means.  To give and receive love is one of the most important things in life. When I was sick in hospital, I believe I was saved by love.  Sure, the medical professionals working around the clock to keep me alive played a part in my survival (a very large part) but I can’t discount the people who loved me and surrounded me with nothing but positive energy and hope and love.  I know it sounds corny but it’s true.  At the end of the day, no one was ever disliked for caring about people. 
  7. Be tolerant.  This can be a tough one.  The world is filled with people and situations that try our patience.  We may have different values to the people we share an office with or sit next to at Bingo and it can be hard to bite our tongue and turn the other cheek.  But everybody is different and everybody has views and opinions – it would be a boring world if we didn’t.  It’s how we learn and develop and find out new things and ways of doing stuff.  I’m not saying if someone is openly racist or homophobic, sexist or just plain rude, that we have to smile and suck it up and pretend it doesn’t bother us.  Some people do need a wake up call.  Some people need to be told their attitude stinks and they have bat-crazy ideas and opinions.  But, for the most part, it is better to let bygones be bygones and crazy people be crazy people and just be tolerant.  For instance, I love animals, but I have some friends who don’t. Does that mean I should shun them and not allow them to darken my doorstep with their animal-hating presence?  No, of course not.  I don’t understand their feelings or opinions about animals, but I respect their right to have an opinion, even if it differs from mine.  If they are otherwise pretty cool people, who would never actually harm an animal, then they are alright with me. Everyone should be able to like what they like and do what they like, as long as it harms no one else.  Don’t you agree?  Just be nice, dammit!
  8. Don’t gossip.  Ok, we all do it.  But we shouldn’t.  Enough said.
  9. Give.  Whether it be time or money or donations of food, give to others who are in need.  Send a cheque, bake a cake, donate a bunch of clothes or school supplies.  Just give.  It will make you feel good – I promise.
  10. Be aware of other people.  The world doesn’t revolve around you and there are other people on the planet who deserve attention and respect and consideration.  When making decisions, think about how it will affect others.  Don’t leave your shopping trolley in the last remaining car parking space because you were too lazy to take it back to the trolley bay. Don’t shove library books back in any old order on the shelf.  Recycle. Don’t litter.  Don’t hog the remote.  Do think before you speak.  Don’t take the last cookie on the plate before offering it to anyone else.  Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. 

Simple stuff, but stuff that we sometimes forget in our busy, stressful lives.  Being nice doesn’t mean being a pushover.  It means being respectful and thinking about others a little bit.  You can still be assertive and self-confident and a go-getter, but it’s wonderful if you can combine that with a bit of kindness and empathy.  Maybe I’m old-fashioned.  Maybe “nice” isn’t trendy any more and we’re all supposed to look after number one.  But what a lonely and empty world that makes.  So, today, just try and be a little kinder, a little more tolerant and much, much nicer.  And that means being good to yourself too.

Have a nice day! 🙂

 

 

Move along…nothing to see here

Move along…nothing to see here

Hello and thank you for all your comments and lovely support.  Thank you to all the new followers too – I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to reply to you or thank you individually.  I still don’t have internet access at home yet and so I am having to sneak in blogging moments at work in lunch breaks and quiet moments.

I am doing ok.  I have picked myself up and have stopped being quite so pathetic.  I use that word a lot.  Pathetic.  I wouldn’t call someone else suffering from marriage breakup blues pathetic but I am hardest of all on myself and am a bit ashamed that I have been such a baby about the whole thing.  It was, after all, not a shock and not something that caught me by surprise.  I was building myself up for nearly two years, knowing it would happen so, really, I have no reason to be quite so dramatic.  Other people have it much worse.  Other people are in abusive relationships that leaves them not only emotionally scarred but physically and mentally.  I didn’t have that.  Yes, my husband became less caring and, some days, downright horrible to live with, but he wasn’t *abusive.  The only thing he denied me was his heart and attention.  And while some may say he treated me badly and that is a kind of abuse, I can see that I am very lucky in many ways.  I’m not making excuses for him. But I’m not dwelling on the way things were.  I can only focus on how they are NOW.  We are talking – we never argued anyway – and he still cares enough to help me out with some things (he bought me a fridge and washing machine last week) and he’s doing the best he can.  I think.  I am trying to be the bigger person here.  I am hurt and broken hearted, yes, but I am not broken.  I’m still here and I’m still going to work and getting up every day and taking reasonable care of myself.  I am seeing friends and doing my own thing.

I feel almost guilty that I don’t feel worse.  I was so upset to begin with.  I cried and cried and every day seemed harder than the day before.  I was lost and frightened and so sad.  But I’m not like that all the time now.  Instead of feeling like that every day, I feel like that every now and then.  Í miss him and miss the good times and having someone to share things with but I also like having my freedom and my own stuff and my own choices and decisions.  He never stopped me from having those things – I put restrictions on myself, trying to be the perfect wife.  Maybe he contributed to my insecurities, but he is not responsible for me feeling worthless.  I allowed myself to think that.  I allowed myself to put his needs above mine every time.  I tried to do what I thought would make him happy instead of doing what would allow us both to be content.  So now I have no one to make me feel bad about how I keep house or what we’re having for dinner.  I just wish I had realised sooner that I didn’t have to be so accommodating and passive.  It’s not what he wanted and in the end it was something he couldn’t stand. I’m not defending him (well, maybe a little.  I still love him after all) but I am taking part responsibility for the breakdown in our relationship.

So, lesson learnt : Be yourself and stand up for yourself.  Make your needs as much a priority as your partner’s. Care for your partner but don’t stop caring for yourself.  Be you.  I forgot to do that.

So, anyway, I thank you all for your support and I am sorry for all the whining.  I can’t promise there won’t be any more…it’s quite likely I will have a down day again, probably sooner rather than later, but I am trying to be positive.  That is hard for me because I am not a naturally positive person.  I always think the worst and catastrophise (is that a word? spell check doesn’t seem to think so) and make myself panic.  I am trying to be grateful for everything I have, everything I have lost and everything that will follow.  Who knows what’s around the corner?

All I know is that today, right now, I am ok.  And I hope you are too.

x

*PS 2015 – Ok, have re-read this and want to slap myself a little.  I WAS in an abusive relationship.  Just because someone doesn’t hit you, doesn’t mean everything else they do is ok.  If they’re being an arsehole to you, demeaning and non-communicative in order to hurt and belittle you, putting everyone else before you and causing you anguish on a daily basis with no remorse, then it’s abuse.  Just sayin’.  I’m a little older and wiser now.  Maybe a little more bitter and twisted too – but that’s just self-preservation.  Don’t put up with someone being unkind to you.  Just don’t.  there is no excuse.  Ever.