I am in the process of deciding to cut my hair or not cut my hair. This may not seem like a big decision to most normal people, but I am in a quandary with no end in sight. I generally go from long hair to quite short hair, nothing in between. I usually cut it short (in a chin length bob) and then like it for a little while (generally while I’m still in the hairdresser’s and they are styling it and making it look all shiny and chic) and then hate it and want my hair back again.
This is a first world problem, I know. There are people worrying about their next meal or if bombs are going to drop on their family and I am worried about whether my hair looks better long or short. Crazy. But I am female, insecure and terribly bad at making decisions. I don’t know what suits me. I feel more like a girl with long hair, but then I think, am I, at age 39-almost-40, too old for long hair? The fact that I have a decidedly un-girlish grey streak in the front of my hair is also a problem. It gives me away and I wish I was better at hiding it but I can never find hair dye that’s not tested on animals and so I go for much longer than I should without dyeing it.
Also, styling is a problem. I appear to lack the gene which enables you to style your own hair. I can do pony tails and down-with-a-head-band and that’s about my range. I also do the “pouffy” fringe thing but even that is a stretch most days. I just suck at doing anything to do with appearance. Makeup – fail. Hair – fail. Fashion – fail. It is quite sad. I actually don’t care most of the time because I don’t like to wear what everyone else is wearing and fashion generally seems to be trends and colours I can’t wear. Makeup – doesn’t worry me too much because I have ok skin and prefer to be fairly natural looking anyway (although I do long to be able to do those cats-eye eye liner jobs), but hair, sigh, hair…I wish I could make it look nice. I gave up a long time ago on trying to tame it. I am lucky I have thick healthy hair so I am not complaining about it, just my complete and utter lack of ability to style it. I want to look like I didn’t come to work via a hedge (ie being dragged through one) and I’d like to be able to do all those fancy plaits and braids and cool stuff. But I am a klutzoid, even with hair.
So, my question is, dear reader, which is better – long or short-ish hair? Which is more appropriate for someone my age? Do such things even matter? Oh I know it’s petty and unimportant in the scheme of things, but at this difficult time in my life I am looking to insignificant problems to distract me from the real issues I am facing. Distress about husband leaving? I don’t have time for that! I have follicular challenges that are far more pressing and urgent! Worried about paying rent on my own? Pah! I have more important issues to concern me, like can I afford a hairdresser?! See what I mean?
I am going to get it cut. I am. But it’s kind of like a security blanket (seriously, it is very thick. Plus I shed everywhere. It looks like someone shot a sasquatch in here some days – hair all over the place…little tumbleweeds of it clogging up the hoover…) and I need to feel feminine at a time when I am not feeling exactly attractive or desirable to the opposite sex. It’s dumb. I do know that but I am a fragile little thing and my hair is my…what? I don’t know. But it’s there and I kinda hide behind it.
So, shorter or longer? What should I do? I wish I had the courage to chop it all off and dye it green or something, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. Although tomorrow is Halloween, so….. (it’s also my wedding anniversary, or would be if I wasn’t separated so I am focusing on silly things like this instead. Humour me, please.).
Anyway, I will make a decision soon. I will. By next week. Or maybe the week after. Next month? Sigh…