So, life at the moment is a never-ending barrel of laughs, face-palming and serious disbelief at my fellow human beings. I shall tell you my tale interspersed with pictures of a few bits and pieces I have made this week. Basically I am being lazy and making one blog post do double-duty…
Good news first – my wonderful little kidney is working so hard to make me proud and has gone up to 48% function. I’m so relieved. Every six weeks or so I have the blood tests and wait anxiously for the results. Today I phoned the hospital and they gave me the good news. My haemoglobin is up (yay!) and my iron levels are high (thank you, iron infusion!) so no wonder I am feeling less weary. I can’t tell you what a relief it all is. I know it might not be forever, and that my kidney may one day just go kaput, but, for now, I am trying to treat it properly and eat well and look after myself so I don’t give it any reason to desert me prematurely. The thought of going back on dialysis and being in “that world” again fills me with dread, and the longer I can avoid it the better. Now on to face-palming central, or, otherwise known as The Workplace.
Seriously, I love the people I work with. They’re pretty awesome and have been so kind to me and welcomed me and not looked at me like I’m a weirdo (even though, clearly, I am) and they even think I’m a good librarian (not looking forward to the day THAT particular facade comes crumbling down). From time to time I get a little bit cranky that people don’t clean up after themselves in the library, assistive tech room, kitchen and conference room. People are basically slobs – doesn’t matter that they are adults with PhDs and other letters after their names, they are messy and completely oblivious to the fact other people exist and use the space too. Now, you know me – I am pretty messy and unorganised myself. In my own space I am pretty feral. My house always looks like a bomb has recently been detonated and I am rubbish at organising anything. But in shared spaces I am polite and considerate. I clean up after myself. I vacuum. I wash dishes and put them away. I help other people with moving chairs and tables and stuff. I don’t leave my lunch rubbish lying about and I don’t leave tea stains all over the counters. All sensible concepts you might agree. Common sense. I thought so too.
This week, after having cleaned up our meeting room once again (vacuuming, wiping down tables, emptying coffee urns, putting chairs away etc) I sent out a friendly reminder to everyone to please clear up after using the room, particularly as our cleaners only come every second day. Well, you would think I had asked people to give up their first-born child. It has become a HUGE drama – emails flying back and forth between departments and managers, naming and shaming actual individuals and groups. I just wanted people to be tidy or at least ask me to help instead of expecting me to just do it for them. Now the CEO has waded in on it (probably to get everyone to shut up and concentrate on their actual work) and another email has gone out praising me and basically making me out to be some sort of harassed, under-appreciated slave who gets taken advantage of because of my obviously dim-witted and eager-to-please persona (thank you to that particular manager who was really just standing up for me but kinda dropped me in it a bit…). It’s such a nightmare! I didn’t want anyone in particular to be singled out but there are definitely noses out of joint now and I am keeping my head down and making eye contact with no one.
Anyway, there are other things going on in my life right now that are of far more importance. A friend is having some serious bad times relationship-wise and I am trying to help and be supportive but I’m feeling stressed and quite inadequate in that role. I want to fix everybody but I can’t and I feel bad. Possibly why I should never become a counsellor or one of those people who mans the suicide lines…I would end up being the one who needs help. My Aunt in the UK is very ill and it is difficult for my Mum because she is waiting for news but she isn’t getting any from her family and it is frustrating when she is so far away. My cousin (bless her) is relaying what she can to me via email but with the time difference we often don’t get the information for quite some hours.
My other dear friend is experiencing financial hardship and is having to put her house up for sale in order to stay afloat. It’s so upsetting but I know she will be ok. It’s just so heart-breaking when you’ve worked hard for something and it’s going to be taken away from you. Scary, too, when you have kids to think about. Again, I want to help and fix things but I can’t, not really, not in a long-term way anyway.
My jewellery-making is going well still. People keep putting in orders which is nice and makes me alternate between being quite happy with myself and then doubting my work and thinking I will never be able to pull off what they what me to create. Such is my brain and my crazy self esteem. I really need to clear up and re-arrange all my craft stuff because it is taking over the house and I am in a constant mess albeit in one area. I want to make some cards soon as I haven’t made any for ages and I don’t want to lose my mojo ha ha!
Apologies for not blogging much lately. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff that’s been happening (none of which I need to bore you with – I’m trying not to do the whinge and vent or over-share private stuff) and besides that, I’ve just not been in the mood. Slackness. I know. But I will be better from now on I promise. Maybe.
Hope your week has been happy. Thank goodness it is Friday tomorrow! 🙂