It would be nice if life was like a craft project. You could sand off the rough edges, paint it a different colour, stamp meaningful words on it or scrub it all off and start again. You could cut bits out and throw them away. You could add bits of ribbon to fancy it up or leave it plain and simple. You could shape it into a heart or a flower or a star. You could drill holes in it and hang it somewhere safe. You could fill in those holes and make it whole again. You could weave it with patterns and stitch it with love. You could glue it together so it never comes apart.
You could colour outside the lines if you wanted to or make things precise, and both would be “right” because it’s ART. You could wear it with pride or give it to someone else. You could tea-dye it so it looks older, rather than trying to keep it clean and new. You could hold it tightly in your hands as something precious, or tear it in to a thousand pieces and throw it to the four winds. You could leave it to future generations or bestow it on the present, knowing its meaning will change as each generation changes.
It’s been a long day, one that started out quite happily and progressed into an evening of stress and drama. Not my own stress and drama, but that of a family member, which in some ways is worse. Hurting for other people is the worse hurt of all. When your heart breaks for someone else it is terribly painful. I want to fix everything and wave a magic wand and make everybody ok again. But I can’t. I am not big enough or brave enough. I’m not clever enough or rich enough to make problems go away and I do so wish that I was. Even if I know it is not my responsibility to repair other people’s “stuff”.
But I guess, in some ways, life is like a craft project. It has rough edges that need a bit of smoothing. It has chipped paint and faded bits that need restoring. It comes in all shapes and sizes and doesn’t always fit everybody the same way. Sometimes seams rip and stuffing comes out. Sometimes you drop a stitch or forget to knit one, purl one and your design turns out a little funny and lopsided. Sometimes other people don’t understand your ART. Sometimes, there just isn’t enough black paint to cover it up and there will always be somebody else’s inky fingerprint EXACTLY where you don’t want it.
Today I just want to be able to hold everybody else together at the seams, to stop the stuffing falling out. But at the end of a long day, just like this one, I wonder who is going to do the same for me, when I fear my own stitches are becoming frayed, and I’ve run out of safety pins. I must learn to repair what I can and leave the rest up to the Gods, because every creation is a work in progress and who knows when it is finished but the one who created it?
PS Apologies for a melancholy post. It has been a very long evening and I am worn out and definitely frayed around the edges. Luckily I have more than enough stuffing to worry about losing too much of that and I think my distressed and ragged patina is part of my charm 🙂
Goodnight all – may tomorrow be a better day x