To fritter away one’s time; dally.
Nothing sums up what I did on the weekend better than the term “fiddle-faffing”. Whilst it is true that I was quite busy over Easter, catching up with friends and family every day, it does not excuse the amount of time-wasting I also did. And I hate wasting time. My whole life at the moment is focused on NOT WASTING TIME, due to the fact I feel I am rapidly running out of it. My new therapist said to me last week “Oh I hear that a lot! Everyone is so obsessed with time running out, these days. We make our own time!” I didn’t tell her I thought she was a crazy person (it’s best not to insult your therapist the first time they meet you – leave that for a few months in). Time is always running away from us, from the minute we are born, dammit! Time seems to be escaping from my needy clutches at a rate of knots and I am panicking slightly (ie a lot).
Needless to say, when I am worrying about wasting time, it does not facilitate creativity to any great degree. In fact, without question, it hinders it. Like a big, fat, hindery thing. It sits in your brain, all squat and lumpy, and squishes all the creativity and artistic inspiration out of you. It is evil.
This weekend gone I tried to create and get my craft on, but I was thwarted at every turn. What I mean by that is I just made a lot of crap. Everything I drew or collaged or attempted to paint/colour/glue turned out to be a horrible pile of blah. This is partly my own fault – I am in such a mess, and instead of tidying up and giving myself a clean slate to work from, I attempted to just work around the mess and add to it. Not a good idea. I also ate too much bad food. I’m not supposed to eat chocolate but, being Easter, I was bombarded with the stuff, and decided to just eat it with abandon. Which is idiotic and not very good for me. I was basically in a food coma for four days, unable to form complex sentences or think very clearly at all. Eating badly DOES affect me physically and mentally, slows me right down and makes me feel icky. Too many carbs has me feeling like I am moving in slow motion.
So, in the end, I just gave up. I stopped trying to create anything new, and just worked on some little doodles I had lying around that had never been finished. I used my watercolour paints (ugh – my technique is terrible) to finish off a birdy and some flowers and some dainty I-guess-they’re-dandelion-thingies. They’re better than nothing, and will have to do for now. If nothing else, I can add them to plain card blanks and use them for standby cards for myself. And I least I didn’t completely waste the whole weekend. It just feels that way 😦 Next weekend I am attending a print-making class so perhaps I will find new inspiration and learn some new skills that will help me get my creative mojo back.
Hope you had a happy Easter and used your time wisely! 🙂