As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been house-sitting this week for a friend (SR) from work, and looking after her two gorgeous wuppets, Sam and Chloe. They are delightful but a bit nuts (as you would expect from two young labradors!). I had forgotten how much work dogs are – I don’t mean that in a bad way – and how guilty I feel when I am not entertaining them ha ha. I stayed home a lot because I didn’t want them to be alone too much and the weather was awful so I wanted them inside in the warm and dry. I mean, how can you look at this face and put him outside in the cold and wet weather???…….
They were really good anyway and just liked to be with me, whatever I was doing. because it was such miserable weather, I actually stayed indoors a lot and watched TV (which I NEVER do normally) – lots of cooking shows and decorating shows and things that basically made me want to eat a lot and paint stuff ha ha. Sam and Chloe were happy to nap and hang out in the lounge room, with intermittent play times – lots of ball-throwing and mad chasey games around the backyard – before taking another nap.
There is nothing cuter than a sleeping dog 🙂
Besides house-sitting, I’ve been madly house-HUNTING. Which is anxiety-inducing and stressful. I never thought I would be in the position to buy my own home and so I think I haven’t really prepared myself mentally for it. Everyone keeps telling me how exciting it is and I’m just thinking how scary it is. And then I feel guilty because I should be grateful I get to even consider buying a house, when some people don’t know where they’ll be sleeping tonight, let alone for years to come.
But I have to think of my future security and the fact that I will probably not be able to afford rent in the decades to come. I have to put my big girl pants on and be brave and make the commitment and BUY SOMETHING. But it’s hard. Borrowing all that money is hard. Figuring out what neighbourhood to live in is hard. Making a decision is hard. I don’t make decisions, I avoid them. I can’t even decide what colour socks to wear, let alone where I want to live.
Of course, where I will live is very much dependent upon what I can afford. Which isn’t much. I can’t afford to buy in my own neighbourhood here, which SUCKS big time because I love it here. So I am looking at nearby suburbs and faraway suburbs and suburbs I have never even heard of before.
I nearly put an offer on a townhouse last week. I was all ready to do it. And then I panicked. Majorly. Anxiety-Attack Central. It didn’t feel right and it all happened too quickly and the seller wanted to settle by the end of June and I have to get out of my rental lease and it will cost me a fortune to do that and AAGHAHAGHGHHHH! Basically, I had a bit of a conniption. So, no offer was made. I will re-look at the property in a couple of months time. If it’s still there, I will reconsider. But I think it will sell as it was a pretty good price and in good condition etc. I regret it a bit, but am also relieved I didn’t go through with it when I wasn’t feeling 100% sure. I felt the way I did just before I got married – and we all know how THAT turned out! Sometimes you have to go with your gut.
So, it’s back to the drawing board. I have banned myself from looking at places for the next couple of months, until I am nearing the end of my lease here. Then I will be ready, emotionally and financially. Or I will just find another excuse to not bite the bullet and buy. It’s just scary. I’m not good with scary. I never trust my own instincts with things so don’t know when I am making a sound judgement. Adulting is hard!
All I know is that I want to feel safe and happy in my home, have room for a cat or two and be able to get to work without too much hassle or commuting time. If I can win Lotto in the meantime and afford a nice neighbourhood with maybe a cafe strip and pretty streets, that would be a bonus. Maybe near the River or Ocean, with some friendly-but-not-nosey neighbours and my own lovely garden…I don’t ask for much 🙂