I made this card on a cold and blustery day one weekend when I was feeling anti-social and needing some quiet time away from the world. Which is not uncommon for me, let’s face it. I could probably do with a regularly-scheduled “quiet day” – wonder if I could work that into my job description at work…
I would like to say I have a glad and worthy heart myself but, at the moment, it’s more of a grateful but very weary and stressed heart. I’m in the process of buying a house. It’s a long process. A long and anxiety-provoking process and I don’t know what I am doing. Everything seems ridiculously difficult and complicated. I cannot make decisions at the best of times and so, for something as monumental as buying your first home, I am going completely mental and am stressed to the max. I’m also very grateful to be in the position to even CONSIDER buying a house. Not everyone is so lucky. But I have worked very hard all my adult life and have saved my money and lived within my means and not wracked up any debt or credit card issues. I didn’t think I would ever be ready to buy a house – didn’t think I would ever be able to afford it on my own or be emotionally ready for the responsibility. But when are you ever ready for such things? And that’s what I keep saying to myself – If you wait until you are ready and feeling secure, you will never do it.
The economy at the moment is pretty dreadful. Australia has one of the stronger economies in the world but still, it’s in trouble the way the rest of the world is. My job is not particularly “safe”, although perhaps safer than some other people’s in the organisation. But if I wait for a “safe” time, I probably won’t be able to afford to buy and, anyway, who knows when that time will be? Five years from now? Ten? I’m in my forties – time is running out for me to get and pay for a mortgage.
So, into the property market I go. Tentatively and with much fear and trepidation. I don’t know if I will even end up with the house. There’s some issues with it that need addressing before I sign off completely, and so the settlement agent is dealing with that. I don’t want to buy a lemon, and I don’t trust the seller’s agent one bit. He is well dodgy. But it’s altogether scary and I am so anxious. I keep having little panic attacks where you can’t breathe and you feel really sick. The kind that make you want to climb under a rock and stay there until it’s all over.
But, if it all works out, I will have a house of my own. I can have cats (hooray!) and make a lovely garden and decorate how I like and not have to worry about rent inspections. I will have some financial security for the future and a teeny bit of pride that I actually did this on my own, without help. I can say “my house” and it will be true.
So, hopefully soon, I will have a glad and relieved heart. Not sure about the “worthy” part, but hopefully the Universe sees me as somewhat deserving and cuts me some slack! I need all the help I can get right now, just to stay sane. Why do people like buying and selling houses??? It’s so tricky and frustrating and HARD!
I hope that wherever you are in life you are settled and happy, secure and at peace with the choices you are making. And if you know a way to be like that ALL THE TIME, please let me in on the secret!