There are many things I can comprehend. Well, not many, but at least a few. There are, however, lots of things I do not understand, such as :
- Rainfall : the measurement of – I do not understand when the weather people say we have had 13mm of rain. I don’t get it. 13mm doesn’t sound like much. Is it per square inch or square metre or something? I can’t wrap my brain around this. I know I could look it up but I can’t be bothered. I prefer a little mystery in my life.
- Kim and Kanye – why are we still talking about them? Why am I even talking about them? What are they for? What purpose do they serve? I do, however, think they are the most perfect pairing in the Universe. Never before have two human beings been so exquisitely matched. They are the first people in history to marry their own selves. That is quite an achievement, you have to admit.
- Aeroplanes – I know there is science and physics and stuff involved, but I can’t think about them up in there in the sky without hurting my brain. How do they stay up there? Aren’t they, y’know, heavy? Sometimes I think it’s magic. Yes, that’s it, it’s magic. So, shhhh, clap your hands and believe. Don’t break the spell. Especially if I am flying somewhere at the time.
- I don’t deal well with flat-pack furniture. I can’t understand the instructions (which, let’s face it, are generally in a foreign language, even if they’re technically written in English) and I always end up with extra bits and pieces. I also swear a lot. Sometimes I cry whilst swearing and curse the fact this shelving unit/cabinet/bed frame has come straight from the devil and has obviously been sent to drive me insane.
- Putting on quilt covers – actually, I just figured this one out this week so, technically, it is now something I do understand. Putting a quilt cover on has always been something I do not do well. In fact, it is something that literally reduces me to tears in a very short space of time. So, generally, I just don’t do it at all. However, after seeing this amazing video on Youtube, I am now able to change a quilt cover in mere minutes, seconds even if I practice lots. It has been a revelation to me. I am one step closer to being an adult. I might have to make the bed more now though…
- Maths – pretty sure maths is some sort of devilry. And algebra is like the high-priestess of evil. As soon as you put letters and little tiny numbers next to bigger numbers and start asking why X = 5, you’ve lost me. I literally lose all sense of time and black out just a little bit. Ask me how to work out 30% off in a sale and I am your girl, though.
- Sewing – My Mum recently showed me how to take up / hem my own pants. It was a triumph (for me) but somewhat of a traumatic experience for my Mum. I think she needed a lie-down afterwards. Possibly something alcoholic. Sewing is a very technical thing and requires precision. I am not precise in anything I do, therefore failure in anything haberdashery-esque is guaranteed. But I do have several pairs of pants I can walk around in now without treading on the hems.
- Tax – The Australian Taxation Office hates me. I earn a very basic wage, not substantial by anyone’s definition. I have enough and am grateful for that. The ATO, however, considers my wages to be EXTRAVAGANT in the extreme, and taxes me accordingly. Every. Year. I get screwed. I have been putting off doing this year’s tax return because I know it will result in a big bill and I can’t cope with that right now. Next year will be different because I will have less savings (hello mortgage!) so maybe they will see me as less wealthy and take pity on me. I am also easily confused by the tax return itself. If you’ve ever seen that episode of Black Books, where Bernard is attempting to do his tax return, you will know what I mean. Again, there is swearing and possibly tears. It’s probably because there is maths involved.
- Water – I try to understand the chemical composition and how it makes water, but then I develop a migraine and have to go away and sit in a dark room. Plus how is it clear? Who made that a thing? Every child in the history of the world, when they are colouring in a picture of a glass of water, colours it blue. This is fact. Then water falls from the sky and someone tries to measure it and then I get confused again. It’s all too hard. If it was cheese I would understand it. Cheese doesn’t confuse me.
- Why people can’t fill the kettle at work – This is my ultimate frustration. I fill the kettle about five or six times a day. AT LEAST. Considering there are only a handful of us at work now (thank you, funding cuts!), I do not understand why this is happening. I drink a lot of tea so I use the kettle a lot, but I always make sure I leave water in it for the next person. I do not empty the kettle and then leave it like that. It drives me bananas. I have even written notes and put up posters that say “Please refill kettle after use!” but still, the kettle is always empty and sad. It’s so rude! I just want to slap people on a regular basis. Don’t get me started on the people who leave a teaspoon of milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge. What is that about??? What kind of primitive society are we living in???
There are many, many other things in the world that confuse me (Donald Trump, I am talking to you!) but I’m sure you don’t need to hear about them all. I just needed something to write about while my craft output is lacking. And, also, the kettle thing seriously drives me insane. It might lead to a breakdown. I’m not even kidding.
Hope your day is making sense to you. Thanks for popping by 🙂