“…You may think I’m small, but I have a Universe in my mind…”
— Yoko Ono
“…You may think I’m small, but I have a Universe in my mind…”
— Yoko Ono
“…We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something…”
— Mother Teresa
“…You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore…”
— William Faulkner
“…Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be…”
— Shel Silverstein
Apologies for lack of crafting posts… I’m packing up my house and unfortunately, crafty times are just not a-happenin’ at the moment…Bear with me x
Ah, dream jobs…so named because they are, in fact, just dreams, for most of us. As I have mentioned before, I’ve never known what I wanted to do when I “grow up”. Now, in my forties, it seems a little redundant to start trying to figure it out. But I still do try. I read books on discovering your passion and take online quizzes about “finding your true calling” and all that nonsense. Really, I just want someone to tell me what to do. Give me some clue as to what I could do that would a.) bring me happiness and fulfillment, and b.) not leave me broke and living in a ditch or at my Mother’s.
I always wanted to be a writer, as a child, and I still have romantic notions about that happening. But I have yet to write even one chapter of a book and I don’t even know what to write about. I could write the story of a very boring girl who doesn’t have many life experiences, but I’m not sure who would want to read it.
So, grand writing career aside, I haven’t many other ambitions. Most of this is due to a lack of bravery on my part. I think about different careers but then talk myself out of them because they’re too risky (not enough employment opportunities), too underpaid (I have to live, after all), too stressful (I don’t do stress) or too something (basically I make lots of excuses). Often, it’s just that I think I wouldn’t be able to do it, or I would do it so badly that somebody would die or lose their home or hold me forever responsible for a lifetime of woe and disappointment, and everybody would hate me.
The other side of it is that I really don’t know what fires me up. Ask me what I enjoy doing and I will have trouble telling you. Most of the time I just try and get through the day without falling over or having some sort of accident or getting fired. I don’t know what I would like to do, if I had the choice, as a long term job.
But, dream jobs are not necessarily based on reality so, if I was going to just brain storm this for a while, here’s a few things I would like to be paid to do :
So, there’s a few jobs I would like to have. Apparently, if I could combine food, animals, music and art, I would be very happy. If you know of such a job, let me know. I will apply immediately. I have references 🙂
I had a mental health day this week. I have decided to do that whenever things are really getting on top of me. I have lots of annual leave owed to me and a fair amount of sick leave too, so I’m not doing anything dodgy. Sometimes I just feel yucky and unwell, mentally and emotionally, and that is just as bad as having actual illness. I have had a cold for the last week or so, and didn’t take time off for that, but it did take its toll, as well as some generalised stress and worry that was making me feel exhausted and sad. My blood pressure and vertigo has been acting up too, usually a sign that I need to take some time out and rest and have a do-nothing day. I am not good at doing nothing so I really have to force myself to sit and watch TV or do something equally brain-numbing.
So, this week, I sat and watched some bad TV, including a made-for-television movie about some crazy-with-love obsessed murderer lady who wore cow earrings and baked pot-pies and was bad news for all who knew her. SO trashy. But I couldn’t stop watching it. If only for the bad acting and 90s fashions (cow-hide bustier anyone?).
I also doodled. I’ve been buying a few books on drawing lately, trying to improve my somewhat limited skills, and so I doodled a few little people following some of Gemma Correll’s design instructions in her book “Doodling for Fashionistas“. They still look like my little people, but maybe with better arms and hands and clothes, in some instances. I still can’t do eyes, but I am working on that 🙂 I will colour them in later too, but I have had a bad neck and back this week so I can’t sit for long periods bent over a paint palette right now. They’ll have to be black and white for a little while longer…
I’m trying really hard to learn and improve – I can’t just keep saying “I can’t draw” and giving up and throwing in the towel. I have to keep practising and working on things I’m not so good at. It’s the only way I’ll ever get better, right? I think I am always scared to try things because if I don’t get it right straight away, I chuck and wobbly and give up and never want to try it again. It’s probably time to stop doing that. If only for my own sanity and self worth. And also because I probably shouldn’t be chucking wobblies at my age. It’s very unbecoming. Bad for your complexion and whatnot.
Here’s to practising until perfect (or faking it ’til you make it –
whichever is more realistic!). This quote, that I read today, sums it up perfectly :
“…To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong…” – Joseph Chilton Pearce
Have a happy, creative day everyone x
I did some very crappy crafting on the weekend. As I said in my previous post, nothing worked out and I was feeling very defeated and useless. I spent hours on one watercolour picture and it was so horrible I wanted to throw it in the bin. I hated it and hated myself. Which is not very conducive to creativity. So, I spent a couple of minutes stamping over the whole damn thing, just to snap myself out of it and get me back on track.
Now I’m not showing you this as an example of excellent craftsmanship or talent – far from it. It’s horrible. But it is an example of picking yourself up and getting your butt back in to gear. Your whiny, self-defeating butt. The one that tells you you’re not good enough and will never amount to anything and that your should never pick up a paintbrush or pen again lest you scare people with your hideous creations.
I’m feeling that awful “time is running out” feeling again at the moment, hence my panic and meltdowns when things don’t go to plan. I want to be good NOW. I want to be able to make a living, or at least part of a living, with my craft. I want to be proud of the things I make, instead of feeling everything is sub-par and not good enough. That I’m not good enough, which is probably more at the core of things.
I saw this on Facebook this weekend and it seemed fitting, given the way I am feeling about myself, right now :
“At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA.
At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.
At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.
At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.
At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.
At age 28, Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook.
At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.
At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.
At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs.
Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51.
Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40.
Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40.
Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.
Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.
Morgan Freeman landed his first MAJOR movie role at age 52.
Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made
The Hurt Locker at age 57.
Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76.
Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78.
Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow.
Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it.
Never tell yourself you missed your chance.
Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.
You can do it. Whatever it is.”
So, maybe, it’s not too late yet. I hope not, anyway. I can only keep trying and not give up. I have to believe that, right now and every other moment, I am enough. I probably need to tattoo that on my forehead, so that I have no choice but to remember it every waking moment. Better to stick with the rubber stamped version for now…
Thank you for stopping by – may your day bring you happiness and success x