“…You may think I’m small, but I have a Universe in my mind…”
— Yoko Ono
“…You may think I’m small, but I have a Universe in my mind…”
— Yoko Ono
“…We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something…”
— Mother Teresa
“…You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore…”
— William Faulkner
I would like to say that I am being much more organised and tidy in my new house, but my pants would immediately perform an act of self-combustion, and then I would have another mess on my hands, not to mention one less pair of pants, so I shall tell the truth : I am hopeless. I have not gained any organisational skills and am still unable to keep a well-presented home.
To be fair, I have only just moved and I know these things take time. Or, at least, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. They don’t specify how much time, but apparently it is a reasonable amount and I should milk it for all it is worth. I am mostly struggling with knowing where to put everything (having ditched a lot of my old storage items before I moved, like an idiot). And I want it to look nice too, so I am focusing on making things look pretty, instead of just finding homes for it all. There’s a big part of me that just wants to get rid of everything and start over.
I’m also struggling a lot with the old black dog right now and trying to ignore it isn’t working. I was planning on starting to exercise again this week, go for a walk around my new neighbourhood etc, but I injured my foot badly (don’t even ask me how because I don’t honestly know – I think it was getting up and down a ladder on the weekend, but I’m worried it is plantar fasciitis) and I am hobbling around like an old woman. I also have a very painful rib which was, possibly, caused by some over-zealous hugging from my youngest nephew a couple of weeks ago. He squeezed me like a tube of toothpaste and, although it was very sweet and appreciated, I was very sore afterwards and now feel like I actually have a cracked rib. I know I don’t – he’s only 7 and I doubt he’s strong enough to break someone’s rib – but it hurts. I do have a bit of a weak spot on that side, having damaged it before, so it’s not totally surprising, but is is annoying and makes me feel even more feeble. (NB : note to said nephew’s Mother – don’t be mad at him. It’s not his fault his Aunt is a bit pathetic, and I will take a hug from him, or any of his brothers and sisters, any day of the week. And it is also possible I hurt it some other way, like coughing or breathing weird or bashing in to something…because I actually do that quite often).
So, all I want to do right now is sleep (which I am also not doing very well at the moment – it is eluding me every night and I am waking up later and later each morning) and not do anything. Again, failing as an adult. I did do my dishes last night though, so yay me!
But, I know I will get things sorted and have things the way I want them. I can be a tad hard on myself and not allow myself any downtime. I’ve nearly sorted my craft room/office and am itching to get stuck into some projects, especially as the weather is starting to warm up and I don’t need to be tucked up in the lounge room, practically sitting on top of the heater in order to keep warm. One side of my craft room looks like this :
…so neat! So orderly!
…And then the other side looks like this…
…I like to call this the “Giving up on Life” side of the room 🙂
So, as I said, it is getting there. I just have to whittle away at the mess and chaos and try not to be impatient about it. I can only do so much when I am working full time and I have to give the black dog some room too (should probably give him a permanent basket in the corner, quite honestly). I am still very, very grateful to have my own place (it honestly hasn’t sunk in yet, although the panic about paying for it has) and am trying to remember that and that I can take as long as I like to get it just right. Basically, I am just aiming for being able to see the floor at this stage!
Hope you are happy and settled and have order and peace in your little corner of the world.
Ah goals…you’re supposed to have those, right? My ex-husband told me that I didn’t have enough ambition for him and that I just “drift through life”. Which was a bit shit to be honest. Sure, I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder or live in a mansion or drive a Ferrari, but I do have ambitions. Having survived a life-threatening illness, I felt for a long time that just being alive and staying that way was ambition enough for anyone, and if I achieved anything else, all well and good.
But he was probably right in a way (damn him!). I don’t exactly strive for greatness. I always just wanted to be a good person, rather than a great one. Money was never a big motivator for me (although, now I have a mortgage looming, I might change that way of thinking!) and I never really cared if I had a high-powered job or was well known in my industry (or any industry!). I just wanted to do ok and get by and not hurt anyone along the way. I wanted to be content and happy with my lot. And have people that love me. That’s pretty much it. And, for the most part, I have achieved that.
So, in the spirit of this blogging challenge, here are some current goals I have tucked away. Some of them are bigger than others. Some are teeny-tiny. But, goals they are. So there. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, doubters!
My Five Current Goals
Whatever your goals are, I hope you are achieving them at your own pace and with no pressure from anyone else. And if YOU want to “drift through life”, I am totally ok with that. You have my absolute blessing 🙂
I had a mental health day this week. I have decided to do that whenever things are really getting on top of me. I have lots of annual leave owed to me and a fair amount of sick leave too, so I’m not doing anything dodgy. Sometimes I just feel yucky and unwell, mentally and emotionally, and that is just as bad as having actual illness. I have had a cold for the last week or so, and didn’t take time off for that, but it did take its toll, as well as some generalised stress and worry that was making me feel exhausted and sad. My blood pressure and vertigo has been acting up too, usually a sign that I need to take some time out and rest and have a do-nothing day. I am not good at doing nothing so I really have to force myself to sit and watch TV or do something equally brain-numbing.
So, this week, I sat and watched some bad TV, including a made-for-television movie about some crazy-with-love obsessed murderer lady who wore cow earrings and baked pot-pies and was bad news for all who knew her. SO trashy. But I couldn’t stop watching it. If only for the bad acting and 90s fashions (cow-hide bustier anyone?).
I also doodled. I’ve been buying a few books on drawing lately, trying to improve my somewhat limited skills, and so I doodled a few little people following some of Gemma Correll’s design instructions in her book “Doodling for Fashionistas“. They still look like my little people, but maybe with better arms and hands and clothes, in some instances. I still can’t do eyes, but I am working on that 🙂 I will colour them in later too, but I have had a bad neck and back this week so I can’t sit for long periods bent over a paint palette right now. They’ll have to be black and white for a little while longer…
I’m trying really hard to learn and improve – I can’t just keep saying “I can’t draw” and giving up and throwing in the towel. I have to keep practising and working on things I’m not so good at. It’s the only way I’ll ever get better, right? I think I am always scared to try things because if I don’t get it right straight away, I chuck and wobbly and give up and never want to try it again. It’s probably time to stop doing that. If only for my own sanity and self worth. And also because I probably shouldn’t be chucking wobblies at my age. It’s very unbecoming. Bad for your complexion and whatnot.
Here’s to practising until perfect (or faking it ’til you make it –
whichever is more realistic!). This quote, that I read today, sums it up perfectly :
“…To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong…” – Joseph Chilton Pearce
Have a happy, creative day everyone x
“…I realized then that even though I was a tiny speck in an infinite cosmos, a blip on the timeline of eternity, I was not without purpose…”