If wishes were horses (I’d be in the middle of a stampede!)

If wishes were horses (I’d be in the middle of a stampede!)

What would you wish for if you were given twenty wishes, guilt-free and with no nasty consequences? Excluding money and health for yourself and everyone you know, what would you ask for? Let’s just say curing cancer and creating world peace were off the table. What does that leave you? What, in your wildest imagination would you really want to ask for? Come on, you can be completely selfish, silly and self-absorbed here….
My wishes change on a daily basis, depending on what frustrating or annoying circumstances surround me at the time. But here’s a few things I would pretty much like at any given moment.
1. Beautiful shoes that look amazing but are super comfortable and vegan-friendly and that I can walk in without looking like a disabled duck. And I want them in every colour. And they need to be able to turn into any style of shoe at my command. Yeah, transformer shoes!

2. A live-in hairdresser. I cannot “do” hair. On any given day my hair is an uncontrollable mess. I am lucky to have thick, healthy hair that grows in record time and never seems to get split ends, but I cannot style it. So someone that just appears in a puff of smoke each morning and turns my mop of curls and knots into something gorgeous and magazine-worthy would be lovely. It’s not vanity – it would just be one less thing to worry about every day.

3. A driver. I don’t mind driving but I do get very stressed if I have to drive on the freeway or in the busy city area or anywhere I’m not familiar with, especially at night time or in the rain. A chauffeur would be pretty awesome. Or a talking car, like K.I.T.T. Back in the 80’s I would have said maybe a driver that looked like David Hasselhoff (just to complete the Knight Rider set) but I think those misguided days are well and truly over.

4. A perfect body. Well, come on! I’d settle for looking good in a pair of jeans really. A fit body, one that can run for hours and look great doing it.

5. The ability to change my eye colour. That would be excellent. Imagine changing your eyes to glowing red orbs when someone pushes in front of you in the line for a movie ticket – awesome! You could match them with any outfit – the ultimate in colour co-ordinating! I know I could get contact lenses but I don’t like the idea of having to poke about with things in my eyes.

6. A personal organiser. I don’t mean a Filo-Fax or a diary or Blackberry. I mean an actual organiser person. Someone who would file all my stuff and manage my mess. They would be invisible and not tut at me when I leave stuff lying around.

7. A substitute for chocolate. A magical foodie substance that mimics the taste and texture of chocolate but that isn’t chocolate and contains no potassium or fat or sugar or anything bad. It would actually be good for you and you could eat as much as you liked. It could be the new super food. Maybe it will be discovered in some rainforest somewhere. People with bones through their noses will survive on it and live to be 200 years old. It will be so plentiful that it will never be overfarmed and it will make millions of women happy.

8. A transportation device. I hate flying – I’m not scared of planes or air travel, I just really hate being stuck in one spot for hours on end and it’s painful and noisy and boring. So I’d like a “Beam-me-up-Scotty” kind of device. Just imagine being able to go to New York or Bhutan or London or anywhere, without having to ever set foot in an airport. No passport required!

9. On the topic of flying, I’d like to fly. Like, actually fly. Like Superman. It would be so amazing. I would probably end up deranged and unemployed because all I would ever do is disappear to go fly somewhere. Awesomeness.

10. Singing. I’d like to be able to do that. Not to be a pop star or something – just to be able to sing beautifully and confidently. Without going squeaky in the high bits or sounding like a foghorn in the deep bits. Without scaring small children and animals. I’d like to sing, that’s all. In real life I sing constantly in the car and when I’m by myself, but nobody needs to hear that. I’d like to be able to whip out a guitar and strum away and amaze people with my musical talent. I want birds to alight on trees near me just to hear me sing. I want the whole Disney princess thing – bluebirds circling around me and fawns lying contented at my feet. I once dreamt that I saved the world from Alien invasion by belting out some 80s pop tune. It was so cool.

11. Invisibility. That’s in my trifecta of awesomeness. Singing, Flying, Invisible-ing. My whole life would be so much easier if I could be invisible. I have social phobia so being able to disappear but still be there would be so ace. I’d never be frightened or self-conscious again. I could go out in my PJs ALL THE TIME. I could sneak into concerts (but knowing me I would feel guilty and end up leaving some money at the ticket stand) and sample food off people’s plates in restaurants. Actually, I wouldn’t do that. That’s kinda gross and not very hygienic.

12. I’d like to be sure-footed. I am a super-mondo klutz and I fall over very easily and without provocation. I’d like to be graceful and elegant and not clumsy.

13. Dancing – I would love to be able to dance. I don’t mean anything special or super-talented. I’d just like to be able to do it, especially in front of people. It looks fun but it is terrifying to me. I would rather stick a fork in my eye than dance in front of people. I would like to be able to go to concerts and get my groove on instead of sitting there like a limpet.

14. A channel on TV that plays music videos ALL DAY LONG. Without commercials or annoying VJs or interviews with random celebrities. It would have the best music from the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s up until now and it would a-mazing. And it wouldn’t repeat the same ones over and over and it would never, ever, ever play diva-esque ballads (I’m talking to you Celine Dion and Mariah Carey). I call that kind of performance “Hooting”. There will be no hooting on my watch thank you very much.

15. I’d like all the cosmetic companies in the world to suddenly stop testing their products on animals. I’d like to buy any lipstick, eyeshadow, shampoo or hairspray in the world and know that it’s cruelty-free. It takes me an absolute age to select cosmetics or body-care stuff because I have to read every bloody label. Every time I buy them. Because cosmetic companies are sneaky – they can change their policies at any time, without notice. It sucks.

Wow, I actually have more wishes than I thought. I could probably keep going for ages, which either makes me greedy and ungrateful, or creative and imaginative…I’m not sure which. All jokes aside, I would of course want a more peaceful world and a cure for all diseases and an end to famine and terror. I’d like to give the Save the Bears Foundation a bazillion dollars so they could save every single bear in the world that is suffering. I would make whales harpoon-proof and give pandas an appetite and digestive system for something other than bamboo so they would be able to survive better and in wider areas. Possibly I would make people stop destroying their habitat in the first place. I would make SIDS and meningitis and asthma and cystic fibrosis disappear. I would give every lost and lonely child a family to love and to love them. I would it make it compulsory to tell bedtime stories. I would make the working week shorter and the average wage bigger (with an economy to withstand it).
I’d abolish dementia. I’d make nursing homes into places people wanted to go to and they’d be free and staffed by happy, caring people of every sex, creed and colour and no elderly person would ever be hurt or neglected again.
I’d wish myself a picture-book pretty house complete with white picket fence. I’d live near the ocean and have plenty of land for gardens and horses and geese (I miss my geese so much). I’d have five dogs and 3 cats and a cow or two. I’d have pigs and chickens and grumpy old goat called Fergus.
I’d have an amazing craft/art/creativity studio that would be light and cheerful and would have a place for everything and everything in its place.
So, I guess you could say that the usual three wishes ain’t gonna cut the mustard with me. I’d need a few extra. Just to be on the safe side. Dream big, I say.
I wish you all happiness and love and peace and good health, today and always 🙂