Wasn’t too sure about this one. Possibly because I was working on it at midnight and was half asleep. It’s only a little collage – another 4 x 4 ” box canvas – but had lots of bits and pieces plus the lettering, which went a bit off course and smudged in places (a bit like me at midnight – wonky and smudgy!). I was watching Wife Swap for some unknown reason and there was a crazy religious lady who kept screaming “She’s not a Christian – aaaghghghghgghg!!!” in a voice that suggested she was, in fact, in dire need of an exorcist herself. This may have caused me to craft a bit haphazardly. Who knows? I was just determined to get it done and worry it about it in the morning. This is my new plan – just get it done and stop procrastinating!!!
And, if all else fails, stick a flower or a hat or some wings on it!
Hope you are all well and that life is being kind.
This is a tricky one. I have the world’s worst self-esteem so I don’t know that I ever feel proud of myself. Which I should probably work on, I know. I like to think my proudest moment is yet to come – that something really great is just around the corner, and that I’m not “done” yet.
Today I am proud of myself for signing mortgage papers. Proud, and terrified. I’m proud of myself for taking this giant leap into adulthood (albeit a few decades late) and I am proud that I didn’t back out or delay it for another few years. I am proud (and somewhat surprised) that I am even in the position to be buying a house. Me! Little, timid, non-ambitious Me! I am buying a house! It’s kinda crazy and hard to believe, because I really didn’t think it was something I would ever be brave enough to do.
There is lots of fear – will I be able to afford it, long term? What happens if I lose my job? What if I have made a terrible mistake? All those things go through my mind a million times a day. Which I am sure is normal. It might be the one time in my life I am having normal thoughts! But I can’t live in fear forever – I have to put my big girl pants on and be a grown-up and stop hiding behind my worries.
There is still settlement to get through and that will be a long and drawn-out process, if the rest of the experience is anything to go by. But I have to just trust it will be ok and get sorted eventually. I will be proud of myself for staying calm, if I can do that, and holding my ground if negotiations go awry. I hope it is settled on time though, and without further complications, because I am not brave and I am not very good at handling anything outside of my usual realm of daily drama. I have very little reserves, to be honest. Something else I should work on. Add it to the list.
So, today I am allowing a little pride to creep in. It’s an uneasy pride, but it’s there nevertheless. Just because I have come a long way and am doing this on my own and making big decisions and securing my future, as best as I can, in my own way. If I can keep meltdowns and conniption-fests to a minimum, that will really be something to be proud of. But we still have moving day to get through yet, so let’s not get too optimistic 🙂
Have a happy day everyone and be proud of yourselves x