Proverbs for the Non-Conventional

Proverbs for the Non-Conventional

In cleaning up and tidying my spare rooms this week (yes, it has taken a week…and I’m still not finished), I have found lots of things that had been hiding, forgotten, in cupboards and boxes, stuffed-to-the-max envelopes and files.  One of these “treasures” was a list of proverbs my brother wrote with a friend, twenty years ago.  They were mucking about and being silly (as boys are), trying to think up things to put on t-shirts, and they came up with an extensive list of slightly “alternative” proverbs that make me laugh every time I rediscover them.  I’m not sure if my brother even remembers them or if he wonders where they ended up.  I’m the “keeper” in the family – if there’s a certificate or a first lost tooth or a movie ticket that was bought on such-and-such a day, I’m the one who keeps it.  Hence my continual tidying up and de-cluttering.  What can I say?  Some say “Guardian of Important Stuff”, some say “Hoarder”.  It’s a little of column A, a little of column B.

Anyway, back to the proverbs.  Here they are in their entirety (I apologise for any that are slightly risqué – we are talking about two guys in their early twenties here):

  • If at first you don’t succeed, break a leg!
  • He who laughs last spoils the broth!
  • Never look a gift horse in the bush!
  • A rolling stone catches the worm!
  • A wise man gathers no moss!
  • Too many cooks, try, try again!
  • When in Rome, call the kettle black!
  • He who laughs gets two in the bush!
  • He who laughs last puts all his eggs in one basket!
  • Look before you make love!
  • When in Rome, leap!
  • A bird in your hand spoils the broth!
  • Don’t count your chickens before you make love!
  • Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man spill the milk!
  • The Early Bird looks before he calls the kettle black!
  • When in Rome, laugh last!
  • If in doubt, break a leg!
  • If at first you don’t succeed, make love!
  • Beware of Greeks bearing children!
  • Too many cooks catch the worm!
  • Make love before they hatch!
  • A watched kettle never prospers!

So there they are.  Maybe they make me laugh because my brother created them and he always makes me laugh because I love him and like to see him being silly and happy.  Whatever.  Hope they made you laugh too and who knows, maybe one of them might actually apply to something you do today.  Let me know if you can add a few silly variations of your own 🙂

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