“The sun set, which is everyday magic…”
— Terry Pratchett
“The sun set, which is everyday magic…”
— Terry Pratchett
I had a mental health day this week. I have decided to do that whenever things are really getting on top of me. I have lots of annual leave owed to me and a fair amount of sick leave too, so I’m not doing anything dodgy. Sometimes I just feel yucky and unwell, mentally and emotionally, and that is just as bad as having actual illness. I have had a cold for the last week or so, and didn’t take time off for that, but it did take its toll, as well as some generalised stress and worry that was making me feel exhausted and sad. My blood pressure and vertigo has been acting up too, usually a sign that I need to take some time out and rest and have a do-nothing day. I am not good at doing nothing so I really have to force myself to sit and watch TV or do something equally brain-numbing.
So, this week, I sat and watched some bad TV, including a made-for-television movie about some crazy-with-love obsessed murderer lady who wore cow earrings and baked pot-pies and was bad news for all who knew her. SO trashy. But I couldn’t stop watching it. If only for the bad acting and 90s fashions (cow-hide bustier anyone?).
I also doodled. I’ve been buying a few books on drawing lately, trying to improve my somewhat limited skills, and so I doodled a few little people following some of Gemma Correll’s design instructions in her book “Doodling for Fashionistas“. They still look like my little people, but maybe with better arms and hands and clothes, in some instances. I still can’t do eyes, but I am working on that 🙂 I will colour them in later too, but I have had a bad neck and back this week so I can’t sit for long periods bent over a paint palette right now. They’ll have to be black and white for a little while longer…
I’m trying really hard to learn and improve – I can’t just keep saying “I can’t draw” and giving up and throwing in the towel. I have to keep practising and working on things I’m not so good at. It’s the only way I’ll ever get better, right? I think I am always scared to try things because if I don’t get it right straight away, I chuck and wobbly and give up and never want to try it again. It’s probably time to stop doing that. If only for my own sanity and self worth. And also because I probably shouldn’t be chucking wobblies at my age. It’s very unbecoming. Bad for your complexion and whatnot.
Here’s to practising until perfect (or faking it ’til you make it –
whichever is more realistic!). This quote, that I read today, sums it up perfectly :
“…To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong…” – Joseph Chilton Pearce
Have a happy, creative day everyone x
“…I realized then that even though I was a tiny speck in an infinite cosmos, a blip on the timeline of eternity, I was not without purpose…”
I did some very crappy crafting on the weekend. As I said in my previous post, nothing worked out and I was feeling very defeated and useless. I spent hours on one watercolour picture and it was so horrible I wanted to throw it in the bin. I hated it and hated myself. Which is not very conducive to creativity. So, I spent a couple of minutes stamping over the whole damn thing, just to snap myself out of it and get me back on track.
Now I’m not showing you this as an example of excellent craftsmanship or talent – far from it. It’s horrible. But it is an example of picking yourself up and getting your butt back in to gear. Your whiny, self-defeating butt. The one that tells you you’re not good enough and will never amount to anything and that your should never pick up a paintbrush or pen again lest you scare people with your hideous creations.
I’m feeling that awful “time is running out” feeling again at the moment, hence my panic and meltdowns when things don’t go to plan. I want to be good NOW. I want to be able to make a living, or at least part of a living, with my craft. I want to be proud of the things I make, instead of feeling everything is sub-par and not good enough. That I’m not good enough, which is probably more at the core of things.
I saw this on Facebook this weekend and it seemed fitting, given the way I am feeling about myself, right now :
“At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA.
At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.
At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.
At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.
At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.
At age 28, Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook.
At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.
At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.
At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs.
Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51.
Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40.
Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40.
Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.
Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.
Morgan Freeman landed his first MAJOR movie role at age 52.
Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made
The Hurt Locker at age 57.
Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76.
Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78.
Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow.
Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it.
Never tell yourself you missed your chance.
Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.
You can do it. Whatever it is.”
So, maybe, it’s not too late yet. I hope not, anyway. I can only keep trying and not give up. I have to believe that, right now and every other moment, I am enough. I probably need to tattoo that on my forehead, so that I have no choice but to remember it every waking moment. Better to stick with the rubber stamped version for now…
Thank you for stopping by – may your day bring you happiness and success x
Another quick and simple card today. I did think about adding to this one, but it seemed pretty much “done” from the get-go, with just backing paper, birdie and blessing. I shaded the bird a little, with some distress ink, so that he was tonally matched to everything else. I’m glad he was holding on to a branch because it meant I didn’t have to cut out teeny weeny toes like I normally do 🙂
I wish the sun was shining warm upon my face today, but it is bleak and rainy and bleurgh. It’s been so jolly cold – lots of I-can’t-feel-my-toes kind of days and I am now suffering from a horrible lurgy, made all the more miserable by the grey and depressing weather. Getting up in the morning is hard enough when it’s dark outside and drizzling with rain , but then add to it a stinking head cold and you might as well forget the whole thing and stay in bed. Which is very much what I wanted to do today.
Until we meet again…x
“We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us.”
— Jean Paul Sartre
“An authentic and genuine life grows like a sturdy tree. And like a tree, it grows slowly. Every time you make a different and better decision, it grows a little. Every time you choose to do the right thing, even when nobody would find out otherwise, it grows a little. Every time you act with compassion, relinquish your right to strike back, take a courageous stand, admit fault or accept responsibility, it grows a little.”
— Steve Goodier