Update on the Girls

Update on the Girls

So it’s been a couple of months since I had my breast reduction and I figured I should give a quick update.  A purely text-based update.  No pictures.  Ew.  Actually, the scarring is so ridiculously minimal, you would hardly even know I had had anything done.  It really is amazing.  In such a short space of time.

I am able to wear a “normal” bra now, not just the surgical one 24-7.  I still alternate between the two though – I have gotten used to the surgical one and it’s pretty comfy.  I’m not allowed to wear underwire bras yet but next month I can transition to that if I feel comfortable doing so.  I am still supposed to be wearing the silicone patches at night to help with the scarring but I have been a bit slack with those.  They’re starting disintegrate a bit and so I haven’t been wearing them every night.  I don’t want to buy replacements – they’re very expensive, especially as they’re purely for cosmetic reasons.  If they were to stop infection or prevent my boob from falling off, then maybe I would get some more.  But if it’s just to help reduce a scar no one else is probably going to see, meh.  The majority of the scarring has gone or faded to almost nothing anyway.

I have to start getting back to proper exercise.  I used my boobs as an excuse for not exercising for so long, I can’t continue with that excuse any longer.  I’m allowed to exercise more vigorously now, as long as the “girls” are properly supported.  So will get on to that.  I would really like to go running but ever since the meningitis, my balance is so whack and I get vertigo if I move quickly.  More excuses 🙂

It’s been a bit of a process getting used to the new me.  I don’t regret the surgery at all. AT ALL.  But it is strange to be so much smaller.  I won’t say I feel less feminine – I don’t – and it’s not like I miss having big boobs – I really don’t – but sometimes it’s, I don’t know, weird, to be this size.  My clothes fit differently and I LOOK different, not just in that area but overall.  As predicted, I am now paranoid about the rest of my body.  I hate my lower half now with the same passion I hated my top half before.  Never satisfied.  But I will work on it.  I just want to be in proportion.

My neck and back have been SO much better.  The improvement was immediate.  Much of that is psychological, I’m sure, but who cares?  I know I am holding myself differently and not slouching so much.  I’m not “hiding” myself the way I did before.  And even with all the scarring and swelling and everything else, even straight after surgery they look 100% better than they did.  I am not complaining at all.  I just have to work on my attitude to myself and get my health and fitness levels up again so I don’t start thinking about having liposuction ha ha.

I do feel a bit more confident in my general self.  I guess I don’t feel like I am on show any more.  Maybe I was imagining it before.  Maybe no one ever noticed my boobs.  But I felt like they did and I hated it.  Now I’m just more normal looking.  To me anyway.  I feel smaller, in a good way.  Not sticking out like a sore thumb, so to speak.

I wish wish wish I had done this before.  I could have had avoided years of pain and anxiety.  I could have saved myself thousands of dollars in physio sessions and medications and pain killers and heat rubs and quack therapies.  I could have been less self-conscious for a whole extra decade or so.  But we live and learn.  I’m so glad I did it.  I’m glad I made the decision on my own and did it all on my own.  No one else to answer to.  I paid for it myself and I needed no one else’s permission or blessing.

I had a fabulous doctor.  I could not have asked for better.  He didn’t treat me like a piece of meat, but like a human being he wanted to help.  Do I think he is in it for the money?  No, I don’t.  But I think he was worth every penny.  And, in the end, it really wasn’t expensive, all things considered.  And what price can you put on happiness and health anyway?

So, all in all, would I do it again?  Yes.  Would I recommend it to someone else?  Yes, yes and yes.  Is there a period of adjustment afterwards?  Yes.  There have been days when I feel…not regret…but a feeling of, I don’t know…did I do the right thing?  The doubt only lasts two seconds and then I go back to being happy and knowing I did the right thing.  Being in less pain is amazing.  Feeling less self-conscious is awesome.  Being able to fit in clothes is great.

It’s all good.  The girls are ok 🙂

Getting Something Off My Chest

Getting Something Off My Chest

When you read this, I will hopefully have had surgery and have come out of it successfully and with little drama.  I will have had a breast reduction.  That’s right, I have literally gotten something off my chest.

I have been thinking about it for years but finally got the guts to do it.  It is primarily to ease the chronic neck and back pain I have suffered for years.  Having big boobs on a little frame is not the greatest thing in the world, especially if you’re like me and self-conscious about it.  I hunch over, I fold my arms, I HIDE my “girls” and that cannot be good for my overall posture and muscle tension.  Most people I know think I am much smaller than I actually am – I am THAT good at hiding things.

Anyway, it was time.  I’m tired of being uncomfortable, physically and mentally.  I’m tired of having men never talk to my face.  I’m tired of struggling to find clothes that will fit me properly.  I tired of having to take painkillers all the time and plan my life around my discomfort.  I want to be able to exercise properly and un-self-consciously.  I want to be happy with my body for once.  I want to be rid of the ever-increasing headaches I have to put up with.  I want to be able to buy bras in “regular” shops instead of having to spend big bucks on speciality bras and be limited to ugly, Granny bras.

Mostly, I just pray that it gets rid of some of my pain issues.  Even if it takes away just 50%, that would be awesome.

It is not a procedure I have taken lightly.  It is not something I have gone into without some trepidation.  I have renal issues to consider and risks associated with any major surgery.  It’s financially draining (which is a huge deal for me because I am usually a tight wad) . It’s painful.  I will have scars and months of healing to deal with.

But I will hopefully feel better about myself.  I won’t be embarrassed about my figure.  I won’t have to cover up so much.  I can buy clothes in the right size.  I can live a bit more and maybe, just maybe, feel ok about myself enough to risk a new relationship.  Maybe, that might be pushing it.

I did struggle with the idea of changing my body when so many women have gone through breast cancer or other physically-altering health issues.  I felt a bit selfish.  Some women would love to have big boobs (I think they’re crazy) and here I am complaining about mine.  But I have thought long and hard about it and I have to just remember that this isn’t for cosmetic reasons.  And even if it was, that is my right and my decision.

I’m going to be out of action for a while, so that will mean no internet (I’ll be staying with my Mum who has the unenviable task of looking after me) and no blogging.  I’m going to try and schedule some posts if I can, for while I’m away.  But, all being well, I will be back soon enough. Just a little bit lighter and, hopefully, a little more content.

Hope you are all well and happy.  See you on the flipside! x

IMG_9227