When you read this, I will hopefully have had surgery and have come out of it successfully and with little drama. I will have had a breast reduction. That’s right, I have literally gotten something off my chest.
I have been thinking about it for years but finally got the guts to do it. It is primarily to ease the chronic neck and back pain I have suffered for years. Having big boobs on a little frame is not the greatest thing in the world, especially if you’re like me and self-conscious about it. I hunch over, I fold my arms, I HIDE my “girls” and that cannot be good for my overall posture and muscle tension. Most people I know think I am much smaller than I actually am – I am THAT good at hiding things.
Anyway, it was time. I’m tired of being uncomfortable, physically and mentally. I’m tired of having men never talk to my face. I’m tired of struggling to find clothes that will fit me properly. I tired of having to take painkillers all the time and plan my life around my discomfort. I want to be able to exercise properly and un-self-consciously. I want to be happy with my body for once. I want to be rid of the ever-increasing headaches I have to put up with. I want to be able to buy bras in “regular” shops instead of having to spend big bucks on speciality bras and be limited to ugly, Granny bras.
Mostly, I just pray that it gets rid of some of my pain issues. Even if it takes away just 50%, that would be awesome.
It is not a procedure I have taken lightly. It is not something I have gone into without some trepidation. I have renal issues to consider and risks associated with any major surgery. It’s financially draining (which is a huge deal for me because I am usually a tight wad) . It’s painful. I will have scars and months of healing to deal with.
But I will hopefully feel better about myself. I won’t be embarrassed about my figure. I won’t have to cover up so much. I can buy clothes in the right size. I can live a bit more and maybe, just maybe, feel ok about myself enough to risk a new relationship. Maybe, that might be pushing it.
I did struggle with the idea of changing my body when so many women have gone through breast cancer or other physically-altering health issues. I felt a bit selfish. Some women would love to have big boobs (I think they’re crazy) and here I am complaining about mine. But I have thought long and hard about it and I have to just remember that this isn’t for cosmetic reasons. And even if it was, that is my right and my decision.
I’m going to be out of action for a while, so that will mean no internet (I’ll be staying with my Mum who has the unenviable task of looking after me) and no blogging. I’m going to try and schedule some posts if I can, for while I’m away. But, all being well, I will be back soon enough. Just a little bit lighter and, hopefully, a little more content.
Hope you are all well and happy. See you on the flipside! x